Plot Twist - Divorce

My Dear Friend,


When growing up in this world we live in, there seems to be an underlying stigma, messages about how we should live our lives.

From the roles of males and females, husbands and wives, children and life expectations…there is an underlying normal trajectory that one’s life is supposed to take…Right?

But life doesn’t always take the path that we think it will. Sometimes, we make choices based on our best intentions. Doing the best we can in those moments.
There are many, many stories out there of survival, perseverance, and wonderfully married couples, with children and a house of their own.

Stories of couples who almost fell apart but then were saved by doing (enter helpful things here) and they also came out stronger with a better vision for what they need to do moving forward. 

I wish I could tell you that all the stories end with, happily ever after....but instead, there is one story that many don't talk about, or think about, or only decide to share with a select few people.

Divorce. 

That was me in 2017. My life had been perfect! I was married, about to graduate with a masters degree, ready to get my license and begin a wonderful career as a therapist until deciding to have children and maybe be an awesome stay at home mom.

Instead, I found myself on the floor, in heart wrenching tears because my husband of two years wanted a divorce.

Perfect life…OVER.

Yes, it may be a common enough thing these days, which is unfortunate, but that doesn't mean it’s an easy thing to process through. No matter what actually happened.

We had our differences, I was working through graduate school, he was working 12 hour night shifts as an RN and...well, communication failed, things became issues that weren't real issues, and then he cheated.

I'm not going to say it was his fault, we both had our problems. In a normal process to try and fix our relationship, we tried to get outside help to begin moving forward, but that didn't happen and the divorce papers did. 

Still being in graduate school and not having any idea of how to move forward after that, I was out on my own with more questions than answers. I was living by myself, trying to figure out how to be a single adult and survive this new reality I never thought I would find myself in.

So, why am I sharing this story? What’s the point?

Because if you are or have experienced something similar, you are not alone.

There may be many stories of people getting divorced out there. Stories about what they went through and how to handle the healing process afterward.
But those people are probably older, experienced years of marriage, maybe even had kids. They share what helped them get through and move forward, co-parent, separate their life from the person they were with. 

What there are not many of, stories of young people getting divorced and wondering what to do or how to deal with it.

If you are a divorced and newly single 20 something, here is some small advice from another single divorcee:

One, Grieve, my friend.
Take the time you need to heal from the loss. It will come in different ways than you think. It may be physical, definitely emotional, or some combination of both. Do what you need to do. Take the time you need to eat all the things, cry all the tears, and be angry (or any other emotion you need to express).

Two, let it all go.
You have felt the emotions, expressed them in whatever way you needed, now it's time to let them go and start moving forward. However long it takes to get from 1 to 2 is OKAY! This isn't a simple process. And you still may experience grief while working towards your goals.

Three, LIVE.
Live YOUR life how you want to live it. Dream big and then bigger. Embrace being single and all the perks it comes with. Also know that there are some cons and those are okay to embrace as well. It's okay to feel lonely at times, and reach out to a friend. IF you feel up to it, start dating again. IF you want to stay single for a while...or forever...that's okay too!

You now have enormous possibilities and opportunities in front of you. Find the hope in being where you are and dream about where you want to go. Your past does not control your future.

So, imagine what you can, trust in the timing, and follow your heart’s guidance…
however unconventional a path it may be.

Love Always, 
A Divorced Eldest Daughter